Saturday, December 05, 2015

Renewal

Sir finally decided to make the renewal of our relationship "official" - at least for us.

This is what I am currently wearing around my neck as a symbol of my service to him:

New collar. As an aside, I'm totally loving my purple hair.
I have worn a chain around my neck before, as a punishment in a way. Because I needed an attitude adjustment. I thought about it much and did my best to accomplish it in the spirit that Sir had intended. I hope that I can accomplish this again.

I was taking a bath the other night when Sir came into the bathroom.

"When you are finished with your bath, I want you to come find me."

Gulp.

I was immediately nervous. When I was done with my bath I came to him before anything else - no dressing or drying off.

When I came into the office, I saw that on his computer screen was my previous post about who should re-initiate a D/s relationship.

My anxiety magnified tenfold.

He asked me, "Are you nervous?"

"Yes, of course I am!"

"Why?"

"...Because you're going to do ... something!"

"What am I going to do?"

"I... I don't know!"

I think that is the biggest part of anxiety - the not knowing.

"You have my post up there like it's on purpose for me to see; of course I'm nervous!"

"It is on purpose."

Part of me overthinks and over-analyzes and wonders if all this was prompted soley because of my post. Sir likes getting into my head, but I don't want to try and manipulate situations through him reading my blog. I should just get over myself though. If he didn't want to take action; he wouldn't. The blog is just another tool for him to take a peek  in my brain.

At this point he grabbed my wrists and pulled me over his lap, proceeding to spank my ass. I started counting in my head while I was wiggling around and he made it to over 130 before he stopped and had me stand before him.

He took out the chain and secured it around my neck, pressing a kiss there once he was finished.

Then he yanked me over his lap and beat my ass some more.

When he was done, he told me to get a paper and a pen. To start some dictation.

The seven year old in me wanted to giggle. But I got the paper and pen.

He had me write the following per his instructions, and read it back to him a few times:


1. I will sleep naked unless on my period or given permission to do otherwise.

2. I will wear the collar that has been provided to me by my Sir.

3. I will maintain the house to the best of my ability. Specific circumstances and events which may interfere with that task will be approved by Sir.

4. I will greet my Sir when he comes home in a submissive and respectful manner.

For number three, I helped him rework it a few times so it made grammatical sense. I asked him too many questions about how each of the rules would play out, so he added this:

5. I will obey the rules that are given to me in the spirit in which they are given and I will not nitpick about technicalities.


It's been a few days. Sleeping naked is an adjustment, but it's not as hard as I thought. I think it will be more difficult when it gets colder. Yesterday it was in the 50's, which is unseasonably warm for December in Pennsylvania. I keep a set of pajamas by the bed so I don't freeze when I wake up. I ask Sir for permission to put them on while in the house.

I need to work on greeting Sir when he comes home. That was a rule introduced.... before. I think this is the one that will take most of my attention.

Having the chain is a joy for me. It helps me get in the right mindset. It's different than before. I do feel like I have the chain because I'm not ready for a proper collar yet, like before. But I feel less punitive about it this time. Things went awry, and we have to build ourselves back up. We can pick up and move on, but I don't think we can just pick up right were we left off before - too much has happened, too much has fallen. Though I am in control of my actions, I think given the circumstances of why things went south, I don't feel like I am being punished. It's not so much that I lost my submissive nature; it's just that everything else was sucked out of me, submission included. I've been running at bare subsistence level and it's time to build that up. The chain as a collar is a first step in that direction; that's what it means to me. It's more controlled by the environment; temperature and the like. It's got holes. But over time perhaps I will fill those holes in my heart and my submission and work my way back.

Sir said if I do well, perhaps a new collar is in order. I hope I can become worthy of that.

3 comments:

  1. Elated to hear this Lea! :D

    Daisy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes! What Daisy said!

    Cheers to new beginnings and renewal.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love your last long paragraph, the insight.... And what they ^^ said.

    ReplyDelete

I <3 comments!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...