Thursday, January 01, 2015

BDSM 101 End-Of-Year Exam

Happy New Year! Pygar posted this exam on his blog. I submitted my exam response. We'll see how I did!

BDSM 101
End of Semester examination paper
Answer all question
Time allowed: 90 minutes

Section A

1. RACK or SSC?
a) What do these acronyms mean? Explain in detail.

RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
The parties are aware of the risks involved in the kink, have given their permission to engage in kink with the other party/ies and have taken measures to minimize the risks.

SSC- Safe, Sane, Consensual
The parties have given permission to engage in these activities of their own free will. The activities are as safe as can reasonably be made; most kink has inherent risk, and measures have been taken  to minimize risks with safe practices, emergency kits if something goes wrong, safe words/communication measures, etc, and all activities are reasonable (i.e. not resulting in immediate irreparable injury or death) done sanely in a good frame of mind not addled by mind altering substances.

b) Why are they important?

Consent is the backbone of what separates the activities we engage in willingly from abuse. Being sane and risk-aware governs how to accomplish them in the safest way possible.

c) What are the advantages and disadvantages, strengths and weaknesses of each?

I think they are two sides of the same coin. Going off of the acronyms themselves, I think RACK provides more thought for the risks and minimizing them, while SSC governs the state of mind. If not considering both, a crucial element of safe play is missing.

d) Which do you adhere to? Justify your decision.

Sir and I have never discussed RACK vs SSC for our play, but we definitely adhere to both. We don't mix our play with alcohol or other drugs. We have systems in place to communicate, we educate ourselves on how to play safely, and make sure there are tools in place if things don't go as planned.

2. Trust is key to any BDSM relationship. Give an example from your own experience of where trust has broken down and describe the consequences.

Sir and I communicate much. Trust breaking is not usually a matter of specific instances but a lack of thinking and forethought. Most recently, Sir and I moved in together. I ended up taking on ALL the responsibility of the home - not because Sir specifically asked me to, but because  he didn't think about how things would get done, or do them. Slowly I became frazzled, unhappy and burned out leading to an incident where I took my collar off and flung it. I feel I broke trust because no matter the reason, throwing my collar on the floor is unacceptable. But I also lost trust in Sir - trust that he'll take care of me, take care of what needs to be done. We've since had a lot of discussions on how to run our home better for the both of us so that I may serve him, but honestly, I'm having a hard time trusting that things are going to change and that he'll keep to his word, because of his nature. He is forgetful and absentminded and we've been down this road before with other things. He forgets about my submission and keeping active with it until we reach a breaking point. Then there are conversations and brief change, and we repeat the cycle. I hope I'm wrong. Only time and repeated communication with each other will help. Also, just because I have lost faith here, doesn't mean I have trust issues in all things.

3. Overheard at a munch. "In the end it is all about sex isn't it?" What do you think he meant? Was he right?

It depends. In the end kinks do somewhat revolve around sex and what turns us on, mentally or physically. It could also mean a negative, that sex is the ultimate goal of kink. I disagree either way. Sex is a part of anyone's relationship, but it is not all about sex. I can submit without sex, and that is part of my kink. I need that mental side as well, not just the physical.

4. Sarah and James were in a close BDSM relationship for 5 years. Sarah suffered from bipolar disorder which was mostly controlled through medication. Before meeting James, Sarah used to self-harm, often through cutting herself. Whilst in the BDSM relationship with James she no longer felt a need to do this. Their BDSM play was somewhat extreme. It involved needle play, stress bondage positions and heavy beatings including use of a whip. Eventually the relationship broke down. Some months later Sarah went to a police station with her lawyer. She claimed she had been restrained, whipped and beaten by James and although she acquiesced at the time, that because of her mental condition she was unable to give informed consent. She showed photographs of scars on her back and breasts. How should the police respond?

The police should look for evidence of consent and her mental state at the time. With any case kink-related or not, it should be determined if the person truly was in a sane state of mind. I don't think James should arrested immediately, but that a discreet investigation should take place. It would be my hope that if Sarah was receiving medication, she also had a psychiatrist that she spoke of her issues openly to - this professional could be consulted as to her state of mind and her ability to consent to James.

Section B
1. Write a haiku about pain.

 a  breathless instant
the blow falls intense moment
slow joy spreads throughout

2. Complete this paragraph, "I am a submissive/switch/dominant (delete as appropriate) because ... The final paragraph should contain EXACTLY 100 words.

I am a submissive because being otherwise does not make me happy. I'm a naturally outgoing, boisterous, domineering person; but I don't want to be that person in my romantic life. I' have found that if my partner does not take control, I dislike it and I eventually end up unhappy - chewing him up and spitting him out. D/s has provided for a level of intimacy, communication. and love I never thought possible with another. I also enjoy rougher impact play, service, and mental submission which is hard to achieve in a vanilla relationship or just in the bedroom.

3. Write a short story or poem that illustrates the sensuality of submission.

This is my best attempt; I am rubbish at creative stories and poems (actually detest writing/reading most)

blindly lead
where he commands
as he commands
the slip of rope down my side
the bite of knots as I pull down
the snap of the belt hitting my flesh
the loss of control
never before being so free

2 comments:

  1. Thanks Lea for having done this so very well. I linked to the paper last week and this week have written a post about question 3 relating to issues of consent. I quoted your answer and gave a few more thoughts of my own. You can read the post here.

    Best wishes

    Pygar xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooops - I meant question 4!

    P xx

    ReplyDelete

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