Monday, June 02, 2014

Tastes, Rules, and Getting Better

Sir had me complete a BDSM checklist this weekend. We did a checklist when we had first started seeing each other, over 3 years ago. He didn't find the same list we used the first time (though I just found it now and sent it to him), but even just thinking about it, it's interesting to see what has changed.

The experiences we've had together is nice to note as well as the increased knowledge. When we first started, there were a lot of items that Sir had to explain to me. Now, with just a couple of exceptions I understood what nearly the entire list was asking.

Its interesting to note there are things that I need - that are essential to our relationship that I cannot do without (taking orders, general submission, receiving assorted pain). There are more things that I am willing to try.

And though Sir didn't fill it out, it started a good dialogue and brought out his desire for heavier metal bondage pieces like chastity belts (which I knew about) and bondage fiddles (which was new to me).

As far as rules go; they've been pretty light. I no longer have a bedtime rule. I no longer have a texting when I get to work rule. It's not that these things aren't important; its more that they're no longer an issue. Even if I go to sleep past 11 pm once in a while, I'm generally really good now about getting decent sleep. I'm not staying up working until 2-3 am and getting up at 6 everyday. So, because it is not a need, it is not a rule. I think that's fair. Though I think I could benefit from some sort of bedtime rule; perhaps a texting rule, even if that text gets sent at  10:12, 11:59, or 12:30.

We don't have a mandated blog post rule either - though I think I could benefit from that. Even if it's not a rule per se, and more of a designated time where I am instructed to either write in my blog or read posts. I have not been making time for it, and honestly I miss it. I miss reading about you guys, I miss the sense of community. I also feel better about my submission when I actively think and reflect on it, and this is the best medium for that.

I've generally been keeping my house/bedroom clean. There are times where it gets much, but I've gotten better. I could probably use some more rules on this. As well as keeping my bed to Sir's standard. While I have gotten better, he and I both know that it is not all the time. I have a full size bed and I sleep alone when he's not here. So the other side of the bed accumulates things. Books, clothing, just... stuff. Sometimes I put it away. Sometimes I don't. 

I've been pretty good about being ready when Sir and I have to go somewhere, or if he's meeting me.

The unofficial rules:

Dress. I keep to his dress code 95% of the time. He's not ever officially reinforced it. I don't purchase any new pants for myself. I've given most of mine away. But I do have probably about 4 pairs of real pants left (I have some workout pants, but I generally don't wear those other than to bed). I struggle with getting rid of the last pairs of pants. I also have shorts. We'll see what he thinks.

Hair. I am still keeping my hair long and actively growing it out. A couple of months ago I went to get a trim and a bit too much was trimmed off for either of our liking. Though I like the style itself, next time I will be much more explicit inches-wise on what I want. Since he was there, I didn't get punished. He knows I didn't do it on purpose. On the plus side, it is much healthier.

Sir generally does order food for me when we go out. If I know he is unduly stressed (such as this weekend with his interview), I ask if he would prefer me to choose for myself so as to make things easier on him. He was honestly just a breath away from freaking out and I wanted him to be able to stay in control. Though, I do wonder if keeping to that might give him something else to think about instead of things that were making him anxious.

I generally remember not to sit when we go out to eat until he has seated himself.

I have a proper sleeping collar now which I adore. It is comfortable and lovely and I just <3 it. I wear it when I can, which is not as often as I'd like. When it isn't available, we use the old one, which is actually an animal collar.


We've not quite gotten totally vanilla; Sir has been good about subtle things, touches and the like to keep me in line. We just haven't had much privacy lately.

Its the same thing about how I think we can have some D/s long distance, and Sir has difficulty unless we're face to face. But at least this time, we haven't gone totally vanilla. I guess it's just under the surface. I think I would like him to give me more tasks to do when he is not around, but I don't want to explicitly tell him what to do.

All in all however, I feel really good about us, and about our relationship and BDSM. In the past things would just completely die out. This time, I do feel like we're making more of an effort.

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