Monday, July 16, 2012

Not Feeling It

Lately I’ve been lacking in my submissive duties. I just don’t feel very submissive. Sir and I aren’t getting ANY alone time – we’re always with other people or at a social event. I’ve let things slide, and I know my mindset is way off. I’ve been craving a firmer hand.

I need him to keep me in line. I know that I’m not where I should be, but I also have no desire to straighten myself out – making sure I get to bed on time (even if I have a really good reason not to), making sure I update this journal on time, addressing sir properly. Even just the way I interact with him. I’ve been cranky and bossy. I’ve been half-assed in our conversations.

I missed posting last night. We both knew I would. I was at his house too late, and I had to drive home and I wouldn’t have even been home on time for bed, let alone to post. He almost took my excuses and let me get away with it. Almost. But I could have posted earlier in the week. Sir lets me slide way too much. I suppose I should curb my excuse giving, but they’re in my head anyway and he wants to know what I’m thinking. So I am hoping that he’ll develop a stronger will when it comes to me so he can have a firmer hand. He needs to hold me to a higher standard if I am to hold myself to his standards.

Consequently, I am to write a post here this night and for the following three nights. Friday I have to travel to Connecticut for a weekend meeting, so he’s not holding me to that, as that’s out of my control.

I’m hoping that we can keep up or rekindle our D/s side of things, as I am craving it. I was slightly out of line yesterday at a party, and very subtly he put his hand in my hair and tugged. No one knew, no one saw anything, but it thrilled me. It gave me the right headspace, and it was the jolt that I needed to get back on track. I need more of that. Hopefully these assignments will help.

2 comments:

  1. I just fixed this with Master. It's still not quite 100%, but we're getting closer.

    We both just admitted to each other that we've been so busy we've been distracted from it. Our relationship is much happier with our dynamic there, so we're working on having it present again.

    It'll get better, trust me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really helps me to know that I'm not the only one. I know intellectually that every relationship has it's ups and downs, but sometimes when things like this happen I feel like we're an island and we're "doing it wrong" - which is ridiculous. There's only right and wrong for us, and fixing it for us.

      But its hard to know somethings wrong and then look around and see everyone else being totally blissful; it makes one feel more alone.

      I'm glad you guys got to talk it out and are working on getting it back!

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