Sunday, July 22, 2012

I want to feel the breeze around my thighs!

I miss wearing my skirts and dresses. With going back to my "old dress" most of the time, I sort of feel like I'm having an identity crisis.

With Sir, I wear dresses and skirts. I dress to please him, and it reinforces that role. I am funny and smart and loud sometimes like always, but I can have that little girl side to me. I like his direction, and I like to feel like he is big and strong and taking care of me.

But I can be and I used to be somebody else. I'm part of a volunteer organization where I have a leadership role. There, I am loud, boisterous, slightly obnoxious at times, and always in control. I don't take shit from anybody. I attended a weekend meeting for this organization and it reminded me of that other side of myself, a side that I've rarely seen lately, as everything seems to have dropped to the wayside. I was also wearing shorts this weekend because it was at a camp and we were also doing community service to help the camp there. I probably could have worn a dress or skirt. It probably wouldn't have been remarked upon. But I do realize now that there is a fear present of what other people will think, and what they will say, and how I will be perceived if I'm wearing a dress or a skirt in the woods. I need to get over it somehow, or get more casual skirt attire that might give someone and immediate reaction.

In other news, Sir has taken my weekend away to give more thought to our relationship. He would like me to post here more often, three times a week. I'm guessing its in the hopes that I'd get my feelings out sooner, or make more time to think about the huge list of topics I have stored. Make more time for who I want to be, and figure out how to mesh her with who I am. Or transition between the two.

He's thought more about a daily ritual, but I'm not sure what its going to be yet.

I am happy that he's giving thought to this, and trying to progress. I'm also apprehensive because he's right - I'm so busy all the time, and having me do more.... I hope I can handle it. And if I'm not living up to it, and I could be, I hope he has the willpower to correct my behavior. Because i can already tell that I'm not all the way in the right mindframe, and I'm going to rebel.

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