Sunday, March 18, 2012

Testing Sir and Being Honest

I have work tonight (not a normal occurrence), and instead of worrying how I will be able to write a post before my deadline at 11 tonight when I get out of work at 10:30 (I’ll have to ask Sir permission to stay up late due to necessity), I’ll take a step in managing my time better and put pen to paper (so to speak) now.

I think I was testing my Dirty Old Man a little bit this week. I was late to bed not once, but twice this week.

Last Sunday, Sir and I stayed in bed all day. Literally. With that, plus the time change, I couldn’t sleep. But I could have been not sleeping in my bed at least. I could have followed the rule of being in bed. Not being able to sleep is out of my control, but getting my ass in bed is. Due to circumstances, Sir decided to be lenient. I suppose because there were no consequences, or immediate consequences, I started to wonder what I could get away with.

Sometimes (every time) when I know I’m hovering on breaking a rule, I think about what would happen if I just didn’t say anything. Though I see him at least once or twice a week, Sir and I don’t live together. We’re an hour apart. In some ways, it’s like having an online or long-distance relationship (I intend to make a future post about this topic specifically). He’s not there all the time to catch me making mistakes or being disobedient. So, many times it’s up to me to be truthful about my behavior. Sometimes the thought of lying by omission is tempting. One could be a more perfect sub. I could be seen as obedient. I could avoid punishment. But really, that’s just a fa├žade. Each time I think about not saying something, I think about the type of person and type of submissive that would make me. And I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship by dishonesty like that. Sir seems to know this.

After I initially missed my bedtime (and told him about it the next day in a rush over the phone, heart pounding)… I waited. Initially I was touched by his leniency, but a couple of days later, it was nearing 11 o’ clock, and I just didn’t feel like heading to bed. The first time, I wasn’t really being directly disrespectful, (even though I should absolutely monitor myself better) but this time, I was. I was aware of the time. I sat there and chose not to go to bed. I suppose I was wondering what Sir was going to do. A part of me wondered if nothing was going to happen. After all, I was late this week before, and there were no consequences. I told him what I did, and he acknowledged it and said that he would think about it.

He didn’t make mention of it the next day. I guess I thought I was off the hook. Then Saturday comes. We were going out to dinner with my parents (something we’ve not formally done, though we’ve been together for 14 months). My mother is visiting (she lives in the next state over, and my parents aren’t together anymore, so this is kind of a big deal). He arrives at my place, and as we’re sitting on my couch just saying our hellos and hugging, he mentions to me that I will be punished tonight and I’m not going to like it. He leaves it at that. No further explanations forthcoming from him, despite my attempts at fishing for information.

We go out. We have a nice, if a bit awkward dinner with my folks. I giggle inwardly when my father jokingly calls my Dirty Old Man, “Sir”. Oh, if only he knew. I ask Sir to help me order under the guise of my being indecisive, so he can choose my food for me, without having to explain anything awkward. Throughout the evening, I sporadically think about my forthcoming punishment. What could it be? I know he’s not going to BE here. Will it be a writing assignment? Will it be quick and physical? Will it be the opposite of my last bedtime punishment?

When we get back, Sir finally lets me know that my bedtime tonight has been extended. To 2 am. I know that sounds not so bad. But I’ve been going to bed at 11 (or close to it) for a while now. It was past 10 and I was already yawning, to the Dirty Old Man’s delight. I responded as usual with a lot of questions and what-if scenarios concerning my punishment. What if I fall asleep by accident? - Then don’t get anywhere too comfortable. Can I use caffeine? – You may drink soda, but not coffee, as you would likely drink soda normally, but not coffee at this hour. What do I do with this time? – It’s up to you. Should I be productive? –What you do is up to you, just be awake. What if I do fall asleep and don’t tell you? – You won’t; it’s not who you are.

“You won’t; it’s not who you are.”

I love that Sir has that kind of faith and trust in me. I guess its one of the reasons why I DO tell him if I mess up. I wouldn’t want that trust to be misplaced. It’s up to me to live up to his expectations.

Despite that shining moment, I guess my questions were starting to irk my Sir. Maybe he was seeing it as my not taking this as seriously as I should. He forcefully turned me around, and swatted me once on my bottom. Then, deciding he didn’t quite like the effect, he turned me around again, slowly lifted the back of my thin trenchcoat and did it again. You see, he didn’t waste any time with setting up this punishment when we returned; I had not yet removed my coat. When he turned me around to face him, I let him know that if that’s meant to be a deterrent, it fails. I like it too much. He put his hands to my hair and took it in his fists tightly, forcing me close to look up into his eyes. Sir has a good 9 inches of height on me, so it was both quite intimate and intimidating. I let him know that I was enjoying this as well. He said:

“I know. It’s not meant to be a deterrent; it’s why I don’t use these things for punishment. But it is meant to focus your attention. Do I have your attention?”

“Yes!”

He pulls my hair tighter. “I don’t think I do. Do I have your attention?”

“Yes, Sir!” (I can’t believe I forgot to say “Sir” at a time like this… I think it was due to liking the dynamic he set up so effortlessly and FAST. From opening the door to this moment was only about 5 minutes).

“Better. Now, do you understand why I’ve changed your bedtime tonight?”

“So I can better appreciate the 11 o’clock bedtime, Sir.”

“Very good. I want you to think about what it was like before you had a bedtime. Do you remember what it was like?”

“I was stressed, overworked, overtired and chronically fatigued, Sir.”

“And how is it now?”

“It’s gotten a lot better, Sir.”

“I agree. I set this bedtime up for your benefit, so you can be functional and healthy” He pauses, and then kisses me, hard. My heart leaps with joy, as this is what I was hoping for. His hands work his way to my breasts, and between my legs. As my breath hitches, he pulls away.

“I couldn’t leave here without giving you something to think about, could I?”

Oh, what an EVIL Dirty Old Man! This morning, he let me know that he really didn’t LIKE having to punish me.

“Really? Because your penis seems to think otherwise”.

“Yeah, well he’s evil.”

As are you, Sir. As are you.

And I love it.


-Details on my mission of staying awake coming up soon. I’ve been here an hour, and I must get ready for work!

1 comment:

  1. It is tempting sometimes to just omit something when the other person in the relationship is totally depending on your honesty to know what's going on. But as you seem to already know, the point in doing all of this seems to be lost if you just choose to lie.

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