Wednesday, January 18, 2012

One Year Later

Sir and I have been together for a year this past Sunday. I can hardly even believe that; the time has flown so fast. In some ways, I feel like we're so right for each other that I've known him forever. In other ways, I feel like we've barely scratched the surface of each other.

Sir took me out for a really nice dinner. We got to talking, and dinner conversation turned into "State of the Relationship"... but it was good. We're both insanely happy with each other, and things are going well. We talked about the progress we've made in getting to know each other, forming a relationship, and the D/s side of things.

I can no longer imagine being in a relationship that didn't have a D/s component to it. I think this is part of what is keeping me so happy. However, I love my Sir as he is, D/s or not. I love him when we're just being us. I love his dichotomous nature. For nearly every aspect of him, there's a reverse aspect that comes out, and finding them is a joy for me. I also love him when we're being us, but with me being in chains, etc. Its the best of everything.

During dinner, I mentioned that I felt I was looking to submit more in daily life. I feel that I have been trying to give more of myself, but it's hard when there's no take. I think that submission is more than just one sided. For me to submit, I need to submit TO someone. I can give or attempt to give more of myself, but its difficult if there's no one to take what I am trying to give. Sometimes its difficult, since we live an hour from each other, but we've been making it work. We see each other most weekends, and an additional day a week. But spending so much time apart does create a big gap to close in the D/s department. We're trying to incorporate more things to do in daily life. For example, today at dinner (we went to the same place we first met a year ago <3

Another thing we've done is to establish a bedtime for me. I currently have two jobs, and I work insanely long hours. I often bring my work home with me, and I've been ridiculously stressed out and busy the past few months. This has definitely been taking a toll on my health. Sometimes I'll stay up, even though I know I shouldn't to finish a few extra things. This usually turns into a few hours. I'm so drained that I'm not working efficiently, and in all honestly, a regular sleep schedule would probably benefit my work completing abilities. Its only been a few days, but I like this. At night, he is the one I'm thinking of before I go to sleep. I'm not thinking about deadlines, reports, and the myriad of other work related things that have been plaguing my dreams. I send him a message when I'm in bed, and it's lights out.

I'm trying to retrain my brain to be more of service. Yesterday, he asked me to text him the address of a place that we were going to meet up at. For about a second, I was thinking to myself, "This is ridiculous. He is fully capable of getting on the internet, just like I am, and looking this up". Then I stopped myself. Yes, he is capable. But the capability is not what is in question. Doing this task for him is being of use, and making his life easier. He's instructed me to do this simple thing, and so I shall. With this new mindset, I've taken pleasure in activities like this. Doing small things like this at his request actually give me what seems like a disproportionate amount of pleasure and satisfaction compared to the task. But if its what he wants, I'll do it. I think its good for both of us.

Lastly, he's instructed me to write in this journal more often. I have a once weekly deadline (Sunday nights). It's good, in that I should be writing here more often, but I don't make the time with everything else that's going on. With him as the impetus, I'll hopefully be around more often.

It's my bedtime in ten minutes, so I'm going to get going. Here's to a new year of wonderful things, and serving my Sir.

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