Monday, March 21, 2011

Epiphanies and Revelations


I had a bit of an epiphany the other day. While trying on a dress in a fitting room, I was waiting for my roommate to come over and give me her opinion. Absentmindedly, I was fiddling with the dress while waiting, and a few moments later, I look down to see that I had bound myself into this dress (It is a wraparound dress that has long pieces of fabric to tie the wrap together). I was immediately amused, but it also made me realize that I always do this. Even as a kid, I would toy with ropelike fabrics, or just fabrics in general, and bind myself into them in different ways. I never really considered it part of this journey before, but I suppose that’s more because it was not something that I had remembered. It was such an “Aha!” moment that I feel like a bit of the puzzle has fallen into place. I recently engaged in a tiny bit of bondage, and I enjoyed it immensely. I can’t imagine that NOT being part of this life, and even when I would think about it previously, it was always a component in my mind.

Another revelation I had a few weeks ago concerns reactions and how you can be surprised by them. I am a thinker. I usually consider how something will go before I agree to do it, or in preparation for something that I think might happen. As such, I usually consider how I would feel about something. My actual reactions to things usually match up with my expected reactions, but on this instance, they didn’t match up. As we were leaving a restaurant, the man that I’ve been seeing (I really need to come up with a name for him) held me by the wrist as we left. It was something that I was expecting, and something we were talking about previously. I thought that I would be fine with it; that I would be calm, or feel submissive, but that’s not really what happened. I suppose you can definitely say I was feeling submissive in that moment, but I was also very anxious and nervous. It took me some time to analyze it, but I felt like I was in trouble. Initially, I likened it to feeling like a small child, but that wasn’t quite accurate. I felt as though I had done something improper or displeasing, and that I was about to be taken to task. We talked about it, and it will definitely have its use for the future, but I wonder about the reactions of others.

How do you feel when your significant other takes you by the wrist? Or, if you are one that is doing the wrist-taking, what is your usual intent or purpose?

4 comments:

  1. Actually I love being grabbed by the wrists (it makes me feel all weak and girly)... but being grabbed by the throat scares me. But some people love that. I don't think it's all to do with experiences - I think it's partly how we're physically wired too. Exactly like you did, I think the main thing is talking about your reactions, and then you have a really good grasp on what works, and when.

    I'm glad I came across your blog, Lea. I'll be back, I'm sure :)

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  2. I like being grabbed by the wrists, but not... walked, or dragged by the wrists. Its a very different feeling for both. I don't know how I feel about being grabbed by the throat; could be interesting!

    I'm glad you like my blog! I actually came across yours, liked it, and started following the other day!

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  3. I enjoy being grabbed by the wrists--it's a very possessive and commanding action. I like being grabbed by the throat even more lol, but it is a lot more intense. Thinking about it, I never grab Alpha by the wrist unless I am silently asking to ease up the grip on my throat lol.

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  4. Lea, I very much like your blog. I am new to this as well, so your perspective is quite enlightening.
    Being grabbed by my Dom in any way thrills me beyond belief. Anytime, anywhere. This is so new to me, and I love how free it makes me feel But part of it is because I don't care anymore what others think. I have made a conscious decision to completely ignore the reactions of others, and put any worry out of my head, when they see us together. It is so liberating to do this.
    Recently, my Dom and I went to a bar where we had not been together before, in a neighboring city, and he collared and leashed me. I saw others stare, but I just turned all of my negative thoughts into positive ones. This was a regular bar, so most of these folks had not seen anyone collared before, I'm assuming. The point is that it was wonderfully fun and erotic.
    Let yourself feel him and only him, and pleasing him will take on a whole new reward.

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